I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
