There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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