No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
