The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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