Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
