Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
