I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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