dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
