look no pants
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
