i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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