She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Two words: nipple clamps
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