So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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