Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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