Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
