I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
