Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
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Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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