Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
