i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
