I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
