ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
