very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
