Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my sisters under your porch take her home
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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