Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
