So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
