Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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