we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
