I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
