mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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