Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
