i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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