Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
