Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
tell me about the eggs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
