epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
