So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize