You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
