Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
