The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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