never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
