allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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