one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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