she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
