he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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