Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize