i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
