"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
barbara walters just said penis...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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