So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
