Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
