She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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