I hate your face
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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