the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
