What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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