saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
