so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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