my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
