I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
