That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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