I cockslap morals
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
