I faked an abortion last night.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
