im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just found a bag of teeth...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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