she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
