If i come over, it means nothing
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She even gives head with a lisp.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
