i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm at about main and main street
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
