You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Randomize
