also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
