My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
