If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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