barbara walters just said penis...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
