I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
third nipple confirmed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
