Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
