the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
