Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
