Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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