sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize