What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
