You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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