Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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