So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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