508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Come on in and take your pants off
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